Unrealistic?

I talk to a fren recently. the topic that played a part in me leaving my hometown arose again,
masked in the irritation, anger and hurt within the conversation.
she pointed out that i came bcos i wanted to escape some issues in my life,
and that i was being unrealistic bcos pple will fail me, disappoint me...

Then i realised that mayb i have been too perfectionistic?
In my friendships, i have most of the time looked for the best in the person.
That i believed that if a person mattered to you, you wld not give up so easily, you would not want to fail the perosn.
Of cos, in my case,they are ABSOUTELY unaware...

when i compare this with the experience when someone close failed me.
i teared, i cried, i asked God WHY?
but yet, i am able to love her after being disappointed.
So what is the crux?

Maybe sometimes the connection btw pple and me, is more of the mind than the heart.
In the mind, i can understand the topics we are talking abt.
In the heart, the distance is as far as the east is frm the west.
I still wonder why, sometimes my mind tells my heart, Believe in this person. Trust his heart for you.
Sometimes, my heart stops and tells the mind, I dun wan to be hurt, and disappointed again.
i dun wan to be vunerable.

i'm used to pple telling me that this is my prob.
the person i spoke to told me that
1. I have a choice
2. I shld forgive
3. I should TAME my MIND. phil 3

but i'm really tired.
If i forgive, it is bcos i wan to.
It is becos it is my choice to do so.
Not becos it is EXPECTED of me.

Oh well, Life goes on.

A nice day outside.

Positive: It's a nice day outside, with gentle breeze and leaves swaying.

Negative: I'm stuck at home typing my quarterly report. :S

Dear God

Dear God,

WHY?

Feeling murderous now.

I really feel like strangling her neck.......
can u pls stop whining, cna u pls stop complaining.. can u pls stop trying to control what i think and how i do things?
can u pls stop imposing ur ways on mine????
Bcos it is really irritating!!!!!!!!!

Can u pls stop trying to emotional blackmail me?
Can u pls stop using words that are meant to induce guilt? bcos wat u do will juz keep me further and further away from u.
And if there come a day where we no longer talk. I will for certain not be surprised nor sympathic bcos u brought it upon urself.
Just like when u told me that u will not be sympathetic if i get my fingers slammed by the car door for the 3rd time.

period.
Stop shoving in my face the different timing and bus and air tix fares
Stop telling me that u are not interested in museums, and dunno wat's there to do in Montreal!Stop telling me that u dun wan to go to the botanic gardens, nor the museums..
Then what do u wan to do?
there's more than just outdoors activities to bc considered here.
stop nagging at me to make a decision. I dun have the facts yet.
And STOP STOP pushing the blame to me- STOP accusing me of not being able to make decision and tell u how long we need to stay in montreal!!

Just Shut up. tat's the truth of the adage- Silence is GOLDEN.